da pickle
2024-01-02 22:30:44 UTC
Oh, the memories ...
William Coleman
Aug 30, 2006, 12:32:57 AM
As some of you may have noticed, I have been doing a lot of posting lately,
and, in my opinion, my posts have been unusually creative and well-written.
Some of you may be thinking --
Where the fuck is all this energy and intensity coming from? What the
fuck is he smoking?
The answer will surprise you. Nothing illegal. Most of you know my
self-medication of choice is high-quality cannabis, which I call Green
Fluff. This stuff in only slightly inferior to "Chronic" at maybe 25% of
the price per ounce. However, Las Vegas is always very dry this time of
year. I haven't been able to score anything, not even street weed, for over
three weeks. My main man usually always has a huge bag of choice buds, but
he hasn't been able to get anything at all for three weeks, and his source
brings the stuff down directly from Canada and the Pacific Northwest.
Normally, I would be climbing the walls, but not this time. Here is my new
secret formula --
Camel Turkish Gold 100s. That's right. The High Priest of the Virgin Mary
on Planet Earth smokes Camels. I know this sounds outrageous, but there are
several advantages to smoking Camels, even when you have weed --
If you smoke cigarettes, this gives you a convenient excuse if a cop
questions all your smoking paraphernalia.
If you are driving down the road smoking a doobie and the red lights go on
behind you, just swallow the joint, roll down the windows, and light up a
Camel. This helps cover up the odor of Marijuana smoke, both on your breath
and in your car.
Nearly full Camel Hardpacks are perfect for carrying two or three joints
inconspicuously, while having them readily available at a moment's notice.
If you are selling quarter ounces to other people, which of course I would
never do, double bag the reefer and stuff in in an empty Camel hardpack.
Much better to be seen handing someone a pack of cigarettes than a baggie
with buds.
I have mentioned this before. Do you understand that "CAMEL" has mystical
significance? That's right. Write CAMEL forwards and backwards --
CAMEL LEMAC
These two words have occult significance --
Can Adam make Eve love like Eve made Adam come?
Which is, of course, the perennial question of human love/sex relationships.
I have to tell you that, if you are a smoker, I doubt you will find a finer
cigarette than Camel Turkish Gold 100s. They are pure Turkish tobacco, no
American tobacco whatsoever. The tobacco is not treated with formaldehyde
and other chemicals the way American tobacco is. They have a smooth, mellow
taste. They are not low tar or low nicotine, just excellent tobacco.
The Las Vegas smoke shops currently sell Camel Turkish Gold 100s for about
$30/carton, but I have found a cheaper way to buy them. Check this out --
Most of the Union 76 stations in Las Vegas are owned by Rebel Oil, which has
a Rebel Rewards card to encourage purchases in the convenience store, where
the gas stations make most of their money. You just get a card from the
store, activate it on the internet, and you are good to go. They have a
long list of things you can buy to get cheaper gas, such as bottled water,
beer, snacks, cigarettes, etc.
If you buy 3 packs of cigarettes, you get $0.133 per gallon off your next
gas purchase, up to 15 gallons, or $2. They have one gotcha. They sell
Camel Turkish Gold 100s for $3.34/pack if you buy two packs, but the third
pack is $3.69. You can avoid this fuck job by just buying four packs, and
you get them all for $3.34 each.
When you do that, your Rebel Rewards card gets loaded with a $0.133/gallon
credit. So when I gas up and everyone else is paying $2.95/gallon, I pay
$2.82/gallon. Warning -- each credit you earn is a one shot deal. If you
have credit for a discount for 15 gallons, but only buy 10, your card
balance is reset to zero.
So let's see how the math works out, assuming you buy 15 gallons. You pay
$3.34 per pack for four packs, for a total of $13.36. But you save $2 on 15
gallons, so your net cost for the cigarettes is $11.36. So your net cost
per pack is $11.36/4 = $2.84.
You wind up buying Camel Turkish Gold 100s on a per pack price less than the
best carton price available in Las Vegas. I am just full of money saving
tips like this.
But Camel Turkish Gold 100s are just part of my secret formula. The second
part is Diet Coke with lime. Diet Coke contains caffeine and Nutrasweet.
Nutrasweet is a compound which includes Phenylalinine, an amino acid which
is a powerful mental stimulant. You want to go easy on Nutrasweet, because
it is toxic in large quantities. If the tips of your fingers or toes start
tingling or getting numb after a few days of heavy Diet Coke usage, then you
are suffering nerve damage and are drinking too much Diet Coke. Moderation
in all things.
You can order a Diet Coke with three limes while playing poker, or you can
buy Diet Coke and fresh limes in the supermarket and make your own. It is a
tasty, stimulating low calorie drink, and the lime juice provides Vitamin C,
which helps protect against the harmful effects of smoking tobacco.
Another tasty, extremely nutritious drink you can order in a casino is an
extra-spicy Virgin Mary with three limes and three olives. This is
practically lunch in a glass. If you are fasting or semi-fasting, you can
live on this drink for days.
When you order one of these, you also have the opportunity to regale the
cocktail waitress and the other players at the table with your wit --
I realize it is hard to find a virgin in Las Vegas, but do your best.
I like my virgins extra spicy!
Does it suprise you that an extra-spicy Virgin Mary is the favorite drink of
the High Priest of the Virgin Mary on Planet Earth?
The last ingredient in my secret formula is Red Bull or another energy
drink. Red Bull has caffeine and an assortment of vitamins and amino acids
which are mentally stimulative. Red Bull is also quite expensive. $2 for a
small 8 ounce can, or $6.99 per four pack in the convenience stores. Of
course, if you are in a high class cardroom, you can order Red Bull from the
cocktail waitress. At the 2005 WSOP, the cocktail waitresses were walking
around with huge trays with nothing but Red Bull and bottled water. It
seemed like everyone had a can of Red Bull and a bottle of water in front of
them.
I assure you, Camel Turkish Gold 100s, Diet Coke, and Red Bull are a much
better combination than the legendary "Reds, Vitamin C, and Cocaine"
immortalized by the Grateful Dead.
You can get high as a motherfucker on this combination, and your mental
clarity and concentration are definitely increased. And it is all perfectly
legal!!!
I just came off a four day run on my secret formula, during which I slept a
total of maybe four hours, taken in cat naps of about an hour each. I was
amazingly productive and energetic, and I got an unbelievable amount
accomplished.
There are two drawbacks. First, tobacco smoking is harmful, no doubt about
it. Try to smoke a pack or less a day. Take a nutritional cocktail to
minimize the damage to your lungs. Vitamin C and Vitamin E are the most
important, but there are other important nutrients which help minimize the
damage caused by smoking tobacco. Second, Nutrasweet is also toxic in large
quantities. If the tips of your fingers or toes start tingling or get numb,
cut down or cut it out.
The high is not as good as fine cannabis, not even close. But you will get
high, and you can get as high as you want. Just keep chainsmoking those
Camel Turkish Gold 100s, guzzling Diet Coke with lime, and knocking back Red
Bulls.
There is also somewhat of an edge to the high, which may make you nervous
and jittery. If that happens, cut back. This formula will not interfere
with going to sleep. If you feel sleepy or tired, lie down and take a nap.
Enjoy!
William Coleman (ramashiva)
Department of Agitation, Propaganda, and Demagoguery
William Coleman
Aug 30, 2006, 12:32:57 AM
As some of you may have noticed, I have been doing a lot of posting lately,
and, in my opinion, my posts have been unusually creative and well-written.
Some of you may be thinking --
Where the fuck is all this energy and intensity coming from? What the
fuck is he smoking?
The answer will surprise you. Nothing illegal. Most of you know my
self-medication of choice is high-quality cannabis, which I call Green
Fluff. This stuff in only slightly inferior to "Chronic" at maybe 25% of
the price per ounce. However, Las Vegas is always very dry this time of
year. I haven't been able to score anything, not even street weed, for over
three weeks. My main man usually always has a huge bag of choice buds, but
he hasn't been able to get anything at all for three weeks, and his source
brings the stuff down directly from Canada and the Pacific Northwest.
Normally, I would be climbing the walls, but not this time. Here is my new
secret formula --
Camel Turkish Gold 100s. That's right. The High Priest of the Virgin Mary
on Planet Earth smokes Camels. I know this sounds outrageous, but there are
several advantages to smoking Camels, even when you have weed --
If you smoke cigarettes, this gives you a convenient excuse if a cop
questions all your smoking paraphernalia.
If you are driving down the road smoking a doobie and the red lights go on
behind you, just swallow the joint, roll down the windows, and light up a
Camel. This helps cover up the odor of Marijuana smoke, both on your breath
and in your car.
Nearly full Camel Hardpacks are perfect for carrying two or three joints
inconspicuously, while having them readily available at a moment's notice.
If you are selling quarter ounces to other people, which of course I would
never do, double bag the reefer and stuff in in an empty Camel hardpack.
Much better to be seen handing someone a pack of cigarettes than a baggie
with buds.
I have mentioned this before. Do you understand that "CAMEL" has mystical
significance? That's right. Write CAMEL forwards and backwards --
CAMEL LEMAC
These two words have occult significance --
Can Adam make Eve love like Eve made Adam come?
Which is, of course, the perennial question of human love/sex relationships.
I have to tell you that, if you are a smoker, I doubt you will find a finer
cigarette than Camel Turkish Gold 100s. They are pure Turkish tobacco, no
American tobacco whatsoever. The tobacco is not treated with formaldehyde
and other chemicals the way American tobacco is. They have a smooth, mellow
taste. They are not low tar or low nicotine, just excellent tobacco.
The Las Vegas smoke shops currently sell Camel Turkish Gold 100s for about
$30/carton, but I have found a cheaper way to buy them. Check this out --
Most of the Union 76 stations in Las Vegas are owned by Rebel Oil, which has
a Rebel Rewards card to encourage purchases in the convenience store, where
the gas stations make most of their money. You just get a card from the
store, activate it on the internet, and you are good to go. They have a
long list of things you can buy to get cheaper gas, such as bottled water,
beer, snacks, cigarettes, etc.
If you buy 3 packs of cigarettes, you get $0.133 per gallon off your next
gas purchase, up to 15 gallons, or $2. They have one gotcha. They sell
Camel Turkish Gold 100s for $3.34/pack if you buy two packs, but the third
pack is $3.69. You can avoid this fuck job by just buying four packs, and
you get them all for $3.34 each.
When you do that, your Rebel Rewards card gets loaded with a $0.133/gallon
credit. So when I gas up and everyone else is paying $2.95/gallon, I pay
$2.82/gallon. Warning -- each credit you earn is a one shot deal. If you
have credit for a discount for 15 gallons, but only buy 10, your card
balance is reset to zero.
So let's see how the math works out, assuming you buy 15 gallons. You pay
$3.34 per pack for four packs, for a total of $13.36. But you save $2 on 15
gallons, so your net cost for the cigarettes is $11.36. So your net cost
per pack is $11.36/4 = $2.84.
You wind up buying Camel Turkish Gold 100s on a per pack price less than the
best carton price available in Las Vegas. I am just full of money saving
tips like this.
But Camel Turkish Gold 100s are just part of my secret formula. The second
part is Diet Coke with lime. Diet Coke contains caffeine and Nutrasweet.
Nutrasweet is a compound which includes Phenylalinine, an amino acid which
is a powerful mental stimulant. You want to go easy on Nutrasweet, because
it is toxic in large quantities. If the tips of your fingers or toes start
tingling or getting numb after a few days of heavy Diet Coke usage, then you
are suffering nerve damage and are drinking too much Diet Coke. Moderation
in all things.
You can order a Diet Coke with three limes while playing poker, or you can
buy Diet Coke and fresh limes in the supermarket and make your own. It is a
tasty, stimulating low calorie drink, and the lime juice provides Vitamin C,
which helps protect against the harmful effects of smoking tobacco.
Another tasty, extremely nutritious drink you can order in a casino is an
extra-spicy Virgin Mary with three limes and three olives. This is
practically lunch in a glass. If you are fasting or semi-fasting, you can
live on this drink for days.
When you order one of these, you also have the opportunity to regale the
cocktail waitress and the other players at the table with your wit --
I realize it is hard to find a virgin in Las Vegas, but do your best.
I like my virgins extra spicy!
Does it suprise you that an extra-spicy Virgin Mary is the favorite drink of
the High Priest of the Virgin Mary on Planet Earth?
The last ingredient in my secret formula is Red Bull or another energy
drink. Red Bull has caffeine and an assortment of vitamins and amino acids
which are mentally stimulative. Red Bull is also quite expensive. $2 for a
small 8 ounce can, or $6.99 per four pack in the convenience stores. Of
course, if you are in a high class cardroom, you can order Red Bull from the
cocktail waitress. At the 2005 WSOP, the cocktail waitresses were walking
around with huge trays with nothing but Red Bull and bottled water. It
seemed like everyone had a can of Red Bull and a bottle of water in front of
them.
I assure you, Camel Turkish Gold 100s, Diet Coke, and Red Bull are a much
better combination than the legendary "Reds, Vitamin C, and Cocaine"
immortalized by the Grateful Dead.
You can get high as a motherfucker on this combination, and your mental
clarity and concentration are definitely increased. And it is all perfectly
legal!!!
I just came off a four day run on my secret formula, during which I slept a
total of maybe four hours, taken in cat naps of about an hour each. I was
amazingly productive and energetic, and I got an unbelievable amount
accomplished.
There are two drawbacks. First, tobacco smoking is harmful, no doubt about
it. Try to smoke a pack or less a day. Take a nutritional cocktail to
minimize the damage to your lungs. Vitamin C and Vitamin E are the most
important, but there are other important nutrients which help minimize the
damage caused by smoking tobacco. Second, Nutrasweet is also toxic in large
quantities. If the tips of your fingers or toes start tingling or get numb,
cut down or cut it out.
The high is not as good as fine cannabis, not even close. But you will get
high, and you can get as high as you want. Just keep chainsmoking those
Camel Turkish Gold 100s, guzzling Diet Coke with lime, and knocking back Red
Bulls.
There is also somewhat of an edge to the high, which may make you nervous
and jittery. If that happens, cut back. This formula will not interfere
with going to sleep. If you feel sleepy or tired, lie down and take a nap.
Enjoy!
William Coleman (ramashiva)
Department of Agitation, Propaganda, and Demagoguery