Chuck Norris doesn't have normal white blood cells like you and I. His
have a small black ring around them. This signifies that they are black
belts in every form of martial arts and they roundhouse kick the shit out
of viruses. That's why Chuck Norris never gets ill.
Chuck Norris doesn't understand why you should consult your doctor if your
erection lasts for more than 4 hours. His erections have been known to
last for up to 15 days.
To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked
15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds
of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat
that, Lance Armstrong.
Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.
Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths
have increased 13,000 percent.
Chuck Norris has recently changed his middle name to "F***ing."
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes
only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has
not had to pay taxes ever.
When Chuck Norris was born, the nurse said, "Holy crap! That's Chuck
Norris!" Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was the third
girl he had slept with.
Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
Chuck Norris is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up; he's pushing
the Earth down.
Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a
stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard-rub.
Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had
gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to
remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh
Chuck Norris can mathematically make two wrongs equal a right.
Similar to a Russian Nesting Doll, if you were to break Chuck Norris open
you would find another Chuck Norris inside, only smaller and angrier.
Chuck Norris doesn't wet the bed, the bed gets scared of Chuck Norris and
Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck
Norris can kill him and take it.
Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage.
We know this beverage as Red Bull.
It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate,
but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to
him. Pirates never were very smart
At the end of each week, Chuck Norris murders a dozen white people just to
prove he isn't a racist
When Chuck Norris was in middle school, his English teacher assigned an
essay: "What is Courage?" Chuck Norris received an "A+" for writing only
the words "Chuck Norris" and promptly turning in the paper.
Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying
Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling,
Chuck Norris signs up for beginner karate classes, just so he can
"accidentally" beat the shit out of little kids.
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