Discussion:
OT: must read - Chuck Norris Facts.
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JonnyRockets
2006-01-11 20:29:28 UTC
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Cant . . . Stop . . . Laughing.

http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/

Jonathan
Ericg
2006-01-11 20:41:57 UTC
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That is very funny.  My favorite "fact" from the site:

Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.


Eric (elg26)
Cant . . . Stop . . . Laughing.
http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/
Jonathan
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GTech1
2006-01-11 21:03:21 UTC
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No way. This is the best one:

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til."
After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
<em>Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them. </em>
<em />
<em />
Eric (elg26)
Cant . . . Stop . . . Laughing.
<a href="http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/" target="_blank">http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/</a>
Jonathan
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ChrisBrown
2006-01-11 21:14:31 UTC
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Post by GTech1
If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til."
After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
no. counting to infinity twice is fucking classic.

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Aboo
2006-01-11 22:35:03 UTC
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My personal favorite:

"There are no races, only whole continents of people that Chuck Norris has
beaten to different shades of black and blue."

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Wayno
2006-01-12 06:09:51 UTC
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Post by GTech1
If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til."
After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship?

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ContactGSW
2006-01-11 20:44:26 UTC
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Post by JonnyRockets
Cant . . . Stop . . . Laughing.
http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/
Jonathan
Well that was pretty funny, rates a new sig.


ContactGSW

If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.

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SwampMidget
2006-01-11 21:03:56 UTC
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LFAO

favorite: "Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human
skulls. "
Chris Argento
2006-01-11 21:02:34 UTC
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I thought the best one was the one where it was like "Chuck Norris and Lance
Armstrong had a contest to see who had more testicles...Chuck Norris won by 5."

On a sidenote, one of my coworkers told me yesterday that he was watching
"Hannity and Colmes"(sp?) the other day and Chuck Norris was on it.  Chuck said
something like "Bullets know enough to dodge Chuck Norris" with a straight face,
and when he told me, I just thought he was insane.  Apparently, he's self
deprecating and hilarious.
Cant . . . Stop . . . Laughing.
http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/
Jonathan
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Porsche_Dan
2006-01-11 21:39:53 UTC
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My favorite:
The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist. Chuck wrote a
couple books a while back that were worth reading. "Zen and the art of ass
kicking" I think was one of them.

But he was only a middlewieght and would get his ass handed to him in today's
octegon.
Post by JonnyRockets
Cant . . . Stop . . . Laughing.
http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/
Jonathan
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Chris Argento
2006-01-11 21:42:37 UTC
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Chuck Norris invented the octagon as the perfect shape in which to perform his
roundhouse kick...Chuck Norris does not believe in circles.
The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist. Chuck wrote a
couple books a while back that were worth reading. "Zen and the art of ass
kicking" I think was one of them.
But he was only a middlewieght and would get his ass handed to him in today's
octegon.
Cant . . . Stop . . . Laughing.
http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/
Jonathan
_______________________________________________________________
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kdhspyder
2006-01-12 06:45:06 UTC
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Porsche_Dan wrote:
<snip>
Post by Porsche_Dan
But he was only a middlewieght and would get his ass handed to him in today's
octegon.
now for Dan '..it's 2 seconds til..'
ChrisBrown
2006-01-11 22:00:30 UTC
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Chuck Norris doesn't have normal white blood cells like you and I. His
have a small black ring around them. This signifies that they are black
belts in every form of martial arts and they roundhouse kick the shit out
of viruses. That's why Chuck Norris never gets ill.

Chuck Norris doesn't understand why you should consult your doctor if your
erection lasts for more than 4 hours. His erections have been known to
last for up to 15 days.

To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked
15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds
of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat
that, Lance Armstrong.

Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.

Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths
have increased 13,000 percent.

Chuck Norris has recently changed his middle name to "F***ing."

When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes
only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has
not had to pay taxes ever.

When Chuck Norris was born, the nurse said, "Holy crap! That's Chuck
Norris!" Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was the third
girl he had slept with.

Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.

Chuck Norris is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with
lactose's s**t.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up; he's pushing
the Earth down.

Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a
stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard-rub.
Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had
gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to
remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh
away.

Chuck Norris can mathematically make two wrongs equal a right.

Similar to a Russian Nesting Doll, if you were to break Chuck Norris open
you would find another Chuck Norris inside, only smaller and angrier.

Chuck Norris doesn't wet the bed, the bed gets scared of Chuck Norris and
wetsitself

Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck
Norris can kill him and take it.

Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage.
We know this beverage as Red Bull.

It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate,
but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to
him. Pirates never were very smart

At the end of each week, Chuck Norris murders a dozen white people just to
prove he isn't a racist

When Chuck Norris was in middle school, his English teacher assigned an
essay: "What is Courage?" Chuck Norris received an "A+" for writing only
the words "Chuck Norris" and promptly turning in the paper.

Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying
"booya".

Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling,
"Bang!"

Chuck Norris signs up for beginner karate classes, just so he can
"accidentally" beat the shit out of little kids.

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Shrax4
2006-01-11 22:01:14 UTC
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And his reply here http://www.chucknorris.com/html/events.aspx

What a sellout.


CJ

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jjpasko
2006-01-11 22:45:36 UTC
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Post by JonnyRockets
Cant . . . Stop . . . Laughing.
http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/
Jonathan
This is funny...it's kinda like the Bill Brasky skit on Saturday Night
Live
Necron99
2006-01-11 23:16:14 UTC
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Funny.
Final fact:
Chuck Norris is scared shitless of Bruce Lee
Post by JonnyRockets
Cant . . . Stop . . . Laughing.
http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/
Jonathan
** insert witty/funny original comment **



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Cymbal Man Freq.
2006-01-13 05:18:53 UTC
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http://www.redstate.com/redhot#6068


Chuck Norris [Leon H]

The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris-more than
meets the eye, Chuck Norris-robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a
Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn
into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it
was divided.

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